the Imperfections of Rex. (1)

something Big is about to go down.

i don't know what.

but it's coming.

i can feel it.


======


so, wednesday, i overcame one of my fears, and hang-ups.

my hang-up of Asking Others For Help.

my fear of not knowing how i will be expected to show gratitude for the charity i were to receive.

i got my other father (yeah — my mom had children with another guy ── ´deal with it) to help me in my quest of acquiring: A Futon.

(he readily agreed to it: he's the one who's been around in [our] life way more than my own father has, anyway.)

(the futon seems to fit my current personality {and Needs} well; and the one i saw at Value City seemed pretty nice, indeed.)

i wasn't able to get it on that day ... hopefully we can take care of that in a few short hours: he has a heavy-duty pick-up truck, after all — this to be the second time i needed to utilize it, in as many years.

fortunately, there is a couch in the living room upon which i had been able to get my rest, the past couple of days; fortunately, i had gumption enough to think of Snoozing there: very easily, i could have found myself, once again, futilely sleeping on several sheets on the floor of my room.

(that would be a prime example of what i'd deem meaningless sacrifice, by the way — that for which no one would remark, "wow, look at that poor guy: he's trying not to [impose upon his mother] by doing this; how admirable!".)

------

at any rate, i will be calling him up in an hour and some change, so that i might arrange to take a look at his computer: he told me, on our way back to my house, wednesday afternoon, about the struggles he has with it.

i am almost certain he was hinting at something by doing so..
..and i did something uncharacteristic by taking the bait, telling him i would try what i can.

he wanted me to come that night..
..stating that he'd take me to work afterwards, as a trade.

:-).

but he was not able to execute that plan before i needed to head out.

(i will, perhaps, find out why that happened, soon.

{i conjecture he fell asleep, or some↕such.})

it might be better this way, though: i do the triage on his computer, then we pick-up the futon.

(i like the rain, but i hope it won't get my shit all wet, and shit.

apparently it's stopped — at least for now.)


======


after .. all these years, Clay finally.. ..´fesses up, huh?

even The Deaf & Blind were like this talkin' about "well, jeez: for how much longer was that mother↕fucker gonna go on pretendin' he was a carpet↕muncher?".


======


maybe you've noticed it; maybe not.

but, lately, i have taken to another format for communicating some of my many thoughts to you-all.

this, because i haven't had the [????] to tell Stories.

when might the next time be, that i just Wyl` Out?

that is a good question.

------

as has been said before: good things, sometimes, come in Little Packages.


======


i think that the main problem with my last two attempts of Chicken Soup was, i had used too many carrots — thereby imparting a very-much-so undesired sweetness to them.

i will make sure to tone that shit down, next time.


======


i think i had a premonition about It, even all those months ago, when the captain of us night-time grocery stockers first asked me, jokingly, if i would ever want to take on her job (since i was—rightfully so—complaining about the travails of my own position).

------

i have to fill in for the guy who normally stocks Frozen Food (a different department) while he's on vacation (for 8 days); i don't have to do everything he does..
..but i certainly am required to write orders for all food↕stuffs i {feel i} need; try to keep The Frozen Box orderly; perform a BRI-Solo; put up Price Tags.


more or less, i'm on my own, over there.


more or less, i'm being charged with executing a few of the key responsibilities that the captain of us grocery stockers has.

------

our grocery manager has been admonishing me quite a bit, over the past few weeks!

i had never went through anything like it before.

(as a consequence: over the past two {soon to be three} weeks, The Vein in my left-eye↕lid had been convulsing, as in a sort of Nervous Tic: it's been kinda a worrisome time for me.)

as soon as i see her approach me with another Member of the Management Team, i already know i'm going to hear something fucked-up, regarding some inconsequential infraction of mine.

what's galling is, everytime that happens, it feels like all the things i've been through, in trying to help get my store looking good, is just thrown from out of the window.

i haven't talked about that, Here, either..
..but i get the feeling i've done things that not many other regular food clerks with less than two years on the job have (and it started way before i had even reached the twelve-month mark, there).

on top of the fact that, ever since Gas Prices Started Jumping: on average of 3 out of 4 weeks in a month, i was given only 2 or 3 days to work.

(i be coming back to all sorts of changes, after i return from my many extended absences — stuff i'm apparently supposed to just magically know had been integrated, too.

{only, due to my decent Technical Ability, it really doesn't take me that long to acclimate m'self to all the newness, anyway.})

.....

but the X-Factor continues being Albertas.

bluntly, he is a Pestilence amongst us.

(this is one thing about The Union i don't like: there is a rule that "people with seniority" get preferential treatment — i.e., more days-per-week.

no matter their actual deservingness for it.)


he is too slow.

he stocks sloppily.

he is not willing to step up and help.

he doesn't want to use his brain to figure shit out.

he is a drama queen: in that, when he does put away the pallets of Perishable Order (dairy department; meat department; produce department) that arrive in the early morning into their respective coolers, he has to go put on his sweat↕shirt, or even a full-fledged [coat] first..

..even during the summer!!

(even though, ideally, one is not supposed to spend more than 2-minutes at a time in a cooler...
...with the actual average being no more than 15-40 seconds: to drive the pallet of items into the room; position it neatly then set it down; come back out to do the next one.)

(moreover: on those rare occasions where he is tasked to put up stock for the dairy department {"rare" because, putting it lightly, Management already knows that he is not the best candidate for acting as a Substitute anyplace else}, he has to don either of those same threads i just mentioned — but i guess because he moves so slowly, Albertas might very well just catch a chill from being in that area of the store, huh?)


it truly is beyond me how he continues to stay on our team.


a store is supposed to worry about maximizing Profits — not entertaining Pity Cases.
Albertas has long ago borne himself useless..
..almost no one i talk with at the job has good things to say about him.

(much more so than what might ever be said about me behind my own back, anyway.

☺.)

i hear he's been a stocker for 8 years now.

even as a part-timer (and we did have a long stretch where no regular stocker had fewer than 4 days to work, too), he should have learned his trade adequately, by now.


he is my fucking senior.


but i bet he hasn't been entrusted with even a quarter of the tasks i have, during my own relatively-short tenure with Safeway.


i bet he hasn't been threatened nearly as often as i, either: it appears, the more i give, the more they want to take.

(a lot seems to be expected from out of me!)

they still don't seem to realize that I am the remaining person, behind the Captain, who actually knows what he's doing, and have a capability of learning even more.

------

when Adrian, finally, had his transfer from out of this store granted, guess what happened?

yep.

we were given what, basically, is the black-equivalent of albertas.

only, this fella (for now) has some excuse for his own short-comings, in that—i believe—he started Stocking only at the beginning of this year, and probably never had more than 3 days, per week, to get used to this occupation's rigours — both physical and psychological.


the real point i'm making is, we needed to acquire someone with skill.


no matter if my store is currently amongst the worst-performers, in terms of profit..
..we still sell enough product where it'd be to our advantage to have a dude or a chick who can put up between 130 - 170 cases-per-shift, even if the person still isn't fully acclimated with our layout.


(yes.

of course i know that High-Level Management From Safeway Might Read This, if no one else would.

but what are you going to do?

fire me for exposing your faults?

i know i'm not paying all this money-a-week, to this Union i spoke of earlier, just to be terminated for something punk-assèd like that.

{and don't think i wouldn't be able to recognize when you'd try wreaking your vengeance on me with some indirect Nit↕Pick Shit, either.

i'm hip to that little tactic.})


=-=<interrupt>=-=


it's always amusing, to me, to hear about Mass Food Poisonings stemming from church functions.

not what happened to the people but, rather, the fact that it happened, to whom it happened.

i honestly do not believe this would be a sanctioned-method of God's to express [his] happiness with [his] loyal subjects.


======


there is a pattern to my writing style.

i'd just prefer it if you'd try figuring it our for yourselves, before laying your criticism on my abilities..


(there's nothing wrong with not knowing, immediately, what you have in front of you..
..i have to back-track with my own shit, sometimes.

:-D.

it's just a matter of me expressing my respect for the intellectual capabilities of my audience.

my audience of, currently, no one besides the few chuckle↕heads who spend less than 20-seconds looking at Gaki no Tsukai and Philip Anthony-Rodriguez.)


..on the other hand, sometimes it is my intent to Create Dialogue with you..
..i want you to ask me Questions.....
.....as long as you won't try using your newly-acquired knowledge against me, later.


======


i like Barenaked Ladies®.

so, when i heard that the dude with the glasses (steven page) was, earlier this summer, busted with cocaine..

..i was kinda disheartened.


i never would have imagined it.


======


speaking of: something about Earth, Wind & Fire's can't hide love..
..you have no idea what that song does to me.

especially when i play it at a slowed tempo.


and then i have Baby Boy: Da Prince's monday, tuesday, wednesday (a proposal song).

i'm not the dude who feels a need to have [shit] playing in the background when i'm having sex.

period.

but if i were to..
..this would be one of the rare few songs to receive such an honour.


(as a matter of fact, i'm finna make that into a Ring↕Tone.)


======


safeway's.. ..got a lot of fucking nerve.
to tell [me] that [i] should stop shopping at competitor's stores.

´da fuck out of here.

for starters, i'm one of the many part-time employees who's been getting screwed the fuck out of, these past several months; secondly, do you know what this trumpeted Employees' Discount of ours entails?


yes.


we get a 10% discount.
on their generic, off-brand, Store Shit that almost no one wants.

(on top of that: out of the many Private Label-items distributed by safeway, only a few qualify for the price reduction.

???)


y'all.. ..believe you're doing us a favour with that crap?


you in Corporate Head↕Quarters have a lot of fuckin' nerve: i bet y'all [crackiz] don't shop at your own fuckin' stores yourselves!

to tell people who are ... getting fucked-over by your very own policies what they need to do with the limited amount of money they manage to get from out of you-all.

´cock-suckin' bastards.

Subject Synopsis:

i want to remind you not to confuse any inability you might have in apprehending what i put down here as my inability to write properly


======


indeed, Mother, dearest did "commandeer" my thesaurus; i cannot say i am entirely happy about it.

i didn't know that my living with her meant, somehow, i automatically lost my right to keep my shit (because she has "commandeered" other things of mines, as well), as well as my privacy.

it's not as if i'm staying here for free; and, verily, i had been giving up extra monies besides whatever was due for Rent, Utilities, and Phone..
..and it wasn't Chump Change either.

(that besides a sizable-percentage of my Earned Income Tax Credit.)

------

well, i'll do something about This, one way or another.


======


son of a bitch: why does my shit keep getting ruptured??

------

my current air mattress was inflated for barely a week before springing a leak!

the second-to-last managed to hang on for 3 months, before a pin-sized hole developed in it; the third-to-last, i believe 6 months.


´da fuck is up?!

------

now i am definitely going to be forced to buy a real bed; but i don't want shit that will have my already vulnerable back fucked-up even further...


======


i love my Tasty↕Kake Krimpets®; this spice-cake_one is quite the Taste Treat©, too.

but i had been yearning for a frosting-free version of this particular dessert-line, though — believe it or not, "reduced sugar" (and, by extension, reduced sodium) has, lately, been sounding like a much more attractive alternative to many of these food↕stuffs out here.


======


i am still having a problem claiming my muther↕fucking refund — i speculate i was picked for auditing not for anything *i* did, but precisely because the Government Coffer was already overextended from its fooling with the fucking "war" in iraq (amongst other fiscal unscruples) and so were trying their best to find any old excuse not to pay-the-fuck-up what they owe me and, presumably, thousands of others.

in my case, it's just little Nit↕Pick Shit which the tax examiner has been going after — i was never definitively told,

no, Rex — fuck you: you can't claim shit because we know for a fact that [. . . . .]


. . . . .it's been,


oh, well: you need to submit this document and that document, which I actually did not tell you you needed to give me, before: i see where you were going when you gave me this to mull over..
..but it doesn't quite satisfy the Arbitrary Restriction which i had put in place for you to overcome.

------

most of the reason you hadn't read me complain about this more is, i had the Fore↕Sight & Restraint not to go buy shit in anticipation of monies i did not yet have placed into my bank account; don't get me wrong: i definitely have had Plans since late last year..

..but, what good is placing myself into further debt for stuff that can continue to wait?

relatively-speaking, i had been "going without" for a long time; since i am used to not having all the shit i want, i am more able to bide my time.


======


i'd get behind eddie griffin more if he'd just lay off this homophobic crap (his fights is with Whites, not with the guys who mostly don't even like him "like that" anyway, and their female counterparts)


======


i'd masturbate more if i had the option of ejaculating fluid which, say, evapourates completely upon contact with air; for, otherwise, i just hate dealing with The Resulting Mess: you do know that any semen which remains in the urethra after all ejaculatory pulsings have completed will eventually leak from out of your penis, and onto whatever you have over your Private Area at that time, right?


======


once again, activities of the wealthy (or, more important, those who were aspiring to be Wealthy) impact the wallets of the struggling — yet these rich (and wanna-be rich) bastards get to receive a profound form of Welfare while the rest continue to get that proverbial poke-in-eye


======


i too think obama really should have picked hillary to be his vice-president — even if they would have started out hating each other (more because Society told them they should, than for any actual personal reasons), i do feel they might have had a strong psychological chemistry, from which they could have bounced all sorts of ideas from off each other ── they could even have had a three-way with bill, eventually

:-)

------

alternatively, i hope that The Women of the United States know better than to back mr. M^cCain just because he has Sarah — y'all needn't be voting with your hearts but with your Heads ── as i seem to recall, the core values of the current iteration of Republicanism mostly aren't pro-woman..
..it's a Double Whammy for the ladies because most republicans also are conservative: an ideology-set that can be misogynistic, as well


======


why do they say "suspects" when it is known that a crime was definitely committed they really should start saying "{the police are looking for the }perpetrators," In The News


======


i should like to think that any given terrorist needn't take to the sky to kill Quantities of People: he needs only find a couple or a few compatriots to equip some high-combustion explosives onto; walk into any given Air↕Port Terminal; **ka-pow**; to accomplish the same amount of bedlam.

for, i do not believe that there is vigour'us screening for one to enter an Air↕Port Terminal Area..
..which, itself, is very unfortunate.

it seems so obvious to try nipping the problem at its bud..
..but no one's set up any Preëmptive Measures to counteract such mischief


======


i've heard it said that we americans are not too keen on using Diesel because of our perceptions of it; i've also heard it said that due to advancements in engineering, most of those perceptions are basically null, now.

i've heard it said there is a vehicle which, at its optimum, can get around 65 miles-per-gallon_of_gas_available using the latest incarnation of Diesel Fuel; i've also heard it said It won't be getting sold in america because.. ..our people are dumb asses.

------

incidentally, if the government, say, forced you to use that fuel, then you'd just have to get over your prejudices & fears, now won't you-all?

you'd be amazed, then, at all the other Arbitrary Requirements & Restrictions that our presiding body has in place..

..that which we should be compelled into practicing, we're not.

------

if what i've heard about Clean Diesel is true..
..then there should have been wide-spread utilization of that a long time ago.

deleted scenes: the Ruminations of Rex, ed. 1 — take 1.

**action**

======

do you know who {most of} the people are who disagree with Joe Biden's assessment that it would be the patriotic thing for the Well-Off to do by going ahead and absorbing a tax hike while allowing there to be a decrease in burden borne by .. the rest?

(need I even say it?)

~↕↕~

once again, i am able to enjoy the view of the sky from my room, as i type: on this day, i think i should note, these clouds don't seem in an especial-hurry.


not↕withstanding, but how i wish i could just lie on one of them for a few hours, to continue remarking at all i'd be able to see, up there...

_\↕/_ _\↕/_

overall, i can't really complain about my current Domestic Situation: i only suffer through a few nags, and miscellaneous pokes, here.

and it is because of this Relative Tranquility i am able to look out of my window without worrying that some bastard is chomping at his bits to disturb me, most of the time.

~↕↕~

☺.

ummo..

..unno. . . . .

. . . . .i guess he, simply, had made a miscalculation.
one which, upon my reflecting, a day later, on the resulting Unfortunate Event, would start to strike me as being rather humour'us.

_\↕/_ _\↕/_

that saturday which i just got through telling y'all about in a previous entry was also the saturday where i was Being Good, minding my own business in the living area while EZ E was [----], downstairs: i was actually into watching the Black List — an HBO Special i had read about on Black Voices (an AOL Media Feature).

EZ E's house↕mate, whom i'll deem LL Cool L, came up to get something (coffee, if i am not mistaken), and chit-chat with me.

after a while, EZ E himself joined us, also partaking of the coffee that he personally made; etc.


the two of them had their conversation,—speaking at a volume that obviously evinced no particular regard for my actually being engaged with the program i had on the tellie^(♫),—and, if memory serves, they both eventually went back to their respective areas, downstairs.

_\↕/_ _\↕/_

after a while, LL and E returned to the living area — LL dressed to go out, E still dressed in his Players' Robe.

Cool L departed as expected, Mr. E having already taken his seat with me on the couch.


it might just be my imagination, but i'd swear that this individual must have been feeling rather Amour'us: i could not keep his head away from my Private Area.

(the fucking pervert.)

------

at any rate, that's how it was: me holding him (as how Cuddle Monsters should), as i was trying hard to exhibit some form of my rarely-displayed [----] Pride via watching that god-damn programme; after a few minutes of this, EZ E decided i should slick him up and massage him — to that end.. ..he went downstairs, retrieved his favourite Massaging Liquid^(♫), came back to where i was, took off his Players' Robe,—thereby allowing me to see him in his Turkish Blue-jockstrap, once again,—and laid on his stomach.

i was relatively-fixed where i was, sitting on the couch; EZ E wanted me to start on his broad back, so he faced himself towards me — using that as a convenient excuse to rest his skull on my crotch ── but as it so happened, Mr. E had earlier "commanded" me to be fully dressed while in the 1st (and penultimate) floor of his house, so as to not offend the sensibilities (or.. ..incite the Lusts?) of any Passers' By.

...

which means there were to be no Suckings of My Cock while his face was in that area.

(meanwhile, i was doing my best not to let that all of that distract me from listening to all the stories and absorbing all the messages that these Influential Black Americans were sharing.

{i did get to watch it to its end, though The Lively Environ made me miss quite a bit of data...})


*ahem.*


when he felt satisfied that i had moisturized his back, sufficiently, he next bade me lotion up his legs and, i suppose by extension, his Buttocks.


i did so.


given that his attire consisted only of a Jock Strap, obviously i was compelled to engage in some Counter Mischief; my left-thumb having had the most-worn_down nail. . . . .

_\↕/_ _\↕/_

. . . . .of course, it was precisely during this time where [{i was}] enjoying [{my}sel{f}] most when LL Cool L unexpectedly returned.

:-D

actually, my ears picked up L's foot↕steps around 1.01-seconds before he opened the rear door — so i was able to extract my thumb long before his own "Sensibility" could have been "offended"; EZ E, himself, must have been deep in It, because he didn't instantly teleport into an upright-position until that door had announced the intruder's presence.

<shrug>

i had never seen the big muther↕fucker move so quickly, before.

it seemed like he was finna suffer a Heart Attack, was how adverse his 1-second reaction struck me.

of course, i wasn't fazed: based on how the door was opened, my subconscience was already fairly-confident it wasn't going to be A Hostile Force eventually stepping across the thresh↕hold; after that, i knew there could have been but only so many possibilities, whoever our unexpected company was going to be — i was fairly-confident, that person probably would not have cared if we were both actually Buck Nekkid™, bonin'..

..he probably would have said something to the effect, "¿enjoying ourselves much, are we" and then went about with his business while we, respectfully, waited for the individual to complete it before resuming ours.

:-).

´nigger wasn't paying us no mind — i mean, if i gotta feel scared about being judged or rebuked for having my bit of Intimate Fun by another msm, then: there is going to be a problem.


anyway.


i felt Mr. E needed some calming down,^(♫) so i bade him Resume The Position and rubbed his glutes som'more, hopefully imparting my implication that what happened was of little consequence to me.

(´no need to re-don the Players' Robe.)

then i made the fucker quiver some more with my previous Mischevious Undertaking.

---

(♫) (.)
(♫) (yes, it was a Viscous One.)
(♫) (but, given his Usual Disposition,^(♪) it pro'ly wasn't necessary...)

(♪) (a rather frisky one, if i might proclaim so, myself...)

“Gee Willikers”

i feel kinda bad, talking only about all this negative stuff.

(ironic, yes?)


for, surely, Life is not all Piss'n'Vemmiker.

right?

------

even if it was kinda a "cheat": there is still much commendation to bestow upon that german shepherd who knew enough to call for the Paramedics when his [????], Joseph Stalnaker, experienced another of his paralytic seizures.


(now, Buddy is the kind of dog i believe i would want to have by my side:

a

Ride or Die

dog.)

_\↕/_ _\↕/_

and, on another side of the spectrum: more than a few previously-smug {white} folks found themselves jobless when The Lehman Brothers' Conglomorate had, more or less, folded, yesterday.

:-).

so maybe they, too, now, can experience what it's like having to choose between paying for medicine or for Food, for the month.

having to wait out Profound Tooth↕Aches because you don't know what someone might charge you to extract those mother↕fuckers.

(am i bitter and vindictive?

you're god-damnéd straight i am.

and, in considering the circumstances: i know i am more than justified in reserving the right to feel so — indubitably.)

do You know? do I know?

(´beats the very fuck from out of me.)

======

cripes.

it feels like i am experiencing a much more damaging form of Writers' Block.

------

on the bright side, i believe i have a Thesaurus some↕place around here..
..i mean, i hope my mom didn't "commandeer" it, during one of all those times when she had rooted through my things.

(why did she do that, anyway?

what was she hoping to find?)

------

i am also afraid that my word-/expression-range is ... severely limited.

but this is a consequence of me preferring to stay away from Abstracts, {and not having an especially-active imagination}, isn't it?

there isn't much i can do about it at the moment; so, as a way to augment my output in spite of my inadequacy, i had been thinking about ... transcribing at least one of my many Journals for your perusal here.

and it might be fitting if i utilize the very first Chronicle i penned..
..only, i must hope it is still viable: considering i wrote it in pencil.

back in 1994.

or so.

let's see...

.......

´summer of 1995.

:-D

(it's in relatively good shape, still; my handwriting isn't too great..
..but this was before i began wearing The Glove.)

======

well, you see: when i returned to the work↕site, monday night, i spied a dime lain on one of the tables in the break room; i took it.

but i relented,—hearkening back once more to The Warnings mother, dearest, instilled in me regarding this exact sort of si'chiachun,──putting the coin back where i found it.

the next morning, after work, on my way to the bus↕stop, there was a dime lying on the street.

------

evidently, Something wanted me to have 10¢; i took it.

and i kept strolling to the bus.

======

incidentally, i always have to wonder over how many of the dollar bills i get have ever been placed down someone's cleavage, or genitals:

if i might eventually get a contact high from handling these currency units which had been used to snort drugs.

======

what's the point of having someone wear Bullet-proofed Armor? (i myself would merely use a shot↕gun, to blast off {a chunk of} the head, if i feel i cannot strike a lethal area of my target with one or two bullets propulsed from a standard-caliber fire↕arm.)

======

you know what would be cool?

is if all the thugs started wearing Suits.

like in the old days.

(i mean.. ..most of the crimes that 40 Street Bangers can commit in six months will almost always pale in comparison to an atrocity that 4 White Collar Bastards can enact in 6 mere days...

...most of you just get taken in by the consequences that usually, mostly, show up immediately after a burglary or a mugging; the long-term consequences of the Daily Swindles escape your ire because you're not as able to formulate an emotional, visceral response to them.

{yet you experience these Illicit Dealings' effects every waking and sleeping moment: those fuckers can rape you with all your clothes on, and intact.})

so, when these Hoodlums & Malcontents start dressing up in standard-Wall Street Attire, {prejudiced, discriminatory} white people will have one fewer thing to lord over the people they themselves pigeon-holed, so many scores ago.

actually, they will lose the ability to enjoy the ... rather superficial, artificial plateau which donning such threads had previously bestowed them, wouldn't they and what a change in dynamics that would present.

======

begrudgingly.. ..i will own up to you-all: that the guy upon whom i had previously sworn unbreakable, Eternal Vengeance, and had proclaimed would have further Severe Psychological Trauma visit upon his head, the next he blithely presumed himself into my company, was to be the same fellow whose arse i'd find myself fucking, saturday morning.


:-D.


what can i say?

(tsotsumi.)


i had to give the sum↕bitch an "A" for his efforts: in being the first to reëstablish contact betwixt the two of us, heralding a passable-accounting for {most of} his Extended Silence when doing so.

(irregarding that circumstance, he still didn't account for his more-than-obvious lack of response to the last missive i sent him..

{as long as he didn't summarily dismiss me because of his having come across some new guy he'd want to—futilely—focus all his time on...}

..but, would it be too much a stretch if i were to presume That Matter will, one way or another, gain resolution?)


. . . . .


i don't suppose i could.. ..have just left him hanging, after he put himself Out There on the line as he had; i had some needs of my own, besides.

------

on the ride over to his apartment, he told me what i believe was another part of the reason he had.. ..shut himself off from me: his having become afear'd, once again, i was Falling In Love with him.

(i immediately put him at rest with the assurance that was furthest from happening: in-so-far-as, i knew that, logistically, our forming and maintaining a stable {Monotonous} Relationship simply is not feasible.

{i mean..
..i could love the fucker, but i would know better than compelling him into actual Emotional Monogamy with me.})


i suppose, then, part of his apprehension stemmed from what i had been making him feel: his cerebral reaction to, in his opinion, my being loving, affectionate, and attentive.

sentiments with which he regaled me, as i was messing around with him in his Bed.

(i guess he wasn't quite sure how to deal with such lavishings, and had, for some odd reason, been too afraid to say anything to me about it.)

.....

and his reäction to my cock in his arse: jeez!


i mean..
..the number... ...of times he exclaimed to me how good he believed It felt, up there.


i know it had been a few weeks since last he was fucked, but, surely, i should not be lead to believe his experiencing such profound sensations can only be brought about by little old me?

(´though he also told me he liked my body...

...my facial attributes.....)

i reck'n i gave him enough of a work↕out; i could have kept at it, if he hadn't had to Go Somewhere.

...

maybe he was trying to put to rest some of the concerns i had expressed, so many weeks ago...

------

i can declare, for certain, that it was nice, the unexpected thing which his house↕mate did for me: his having set aside some ... of the food he had prepared, that evening, for me to take to work, later that night: chicken-fried rice con un toque de puertorriqueño.

(i do intend to return the "tupper↕ware" in which the food↕stuff had been placed, washed, the next time i return.

in addition to the book which EZ E lent me.)

(i would go on to find that i could not particularly care for the Plaintains he added on top..
..but every culture is different.

and i can respect that.)


i did make sure to thank him, never-the-less, for his thoughtfulness: "you deserve a thousand blow↕jobs" for doing something like that for me..

..the poor guy.....

.....currently undergoing some Rending Pain, with kidney stones.

(that is something which i would definitely wish on my worst enemy.)



:-).



having done all that, i still had a few minutes to spare, for the 3-bus.
(i was kinda nervous about having left out their house at 9:34, since buses run funnier on week↕ends..
..and i had a decent bit of a wait in store for me, indeed, ´pon my ´rival at the connecting Bus Stop; but it was okay, since the air was pretty nice — and i made it to work on time, too.)

Instinct compelled me look to see which bus it was that was straggling directly behind the 20-line (the one i was going to board since it was destined to show up minutes before the 36-bus...
...instinct having borne true, on this occasion: the 36-bus arriving earlier than expected.

and i was scrambling to that fucker, quite, for fear of its pulling off before i could flag the coach down: rude, fat-ass, cow-like [{nigger} muther↕fuckers] blocking my way, not discerning that, apparently, "someone was in a hurry"...
(...or, perhaps: uncertain, victim-like, scared bastards who were somewhat-immobilized with fear when confronted with someone who had that look on his face heading towards them, frantically, for no apparent reason?)

======

i think i am getting closer to finding a name for them: one which should be substantially better than "native american," for sure!

...

trans-Beringians.

until it is rendered Undoubtedly Irrefutable, that They did not cross over to what eventually became known as The Americas, over from the eurasia region, so many millennia ago..
..then i will stick with something close to this — certainly, the reference to the Bering Strait has to be there.


while i'm at it..

------

..it's been said that a good, trans-beringian name for this land mass, pre-Vespucci, might be

Abya Yala.

i am down for That.

what do you think?

======

i sure do enjoy looking at these clouds just float on past me — their contrast against the blue sky ── clouds which, at the moment, move as if they have no particular destination in mind, yet, still have someplace they need to go, never-the-less.

and they all look so close to me, indeed: as if i, too, can simply walk to the top of a sky↕scraper, reach out, and then grab away a piece of them.

======

unfortunately, i ... seem to have been struck with a Lazy Bug.

so, forgive me if more of my upcoming posts seem lazy.

:-D.

(i am still learning this language just like y'all are.)

next subject! (2)

nathan lane looks handsome in a goatee, doesn't he?
i'm thinking specifically of his guest appearance in Sex and The City

======

white people complain about "poor people" welfare yet they gladly accept Corporate Welfare - government subsidies and tax breaks given to corporations that don't really need such discounts (including The Oil Companies)

======

cats annoy me/instinctual-perpetual sniffing "territory" as if they will discover something profound

------

ironically having to fix-up canned-cat food section early this week in order to be able to stock that section decently

------

reset crew not using common sense when working the pet-food area - always setting only one face for items that will be directly under shelf-hang

======

cute little former marine guy/truck driver for store: apparently was able to accurately discern age, wednesday morning, merely by looking at him for a few moments; person was amazed, looking as if i had somehow did something illegal to garner such information; was then asked what else i could see, merely by looking

======

am envious of guys with smooth legs - trimming pubic hair a pain

======

returned back to room yesterday (thursday); current local weather conditions seem to merit conversion - was compelled to wear [fatigue sweat|pants] so as to not catch a chill

======

phallocentricity to the point where people assume otherwise benign objects and designs are molded after a penis when, merely, it is just a matter of coincidence that the penis looks as it does: it being a good design for liquids delivery

======

last time you heard someone call his penis "thing"?

======

seemed like the more open i became to sexually interacting with others the more discriminated against i became

======

(no obama was not invoking a slur against palin with his lipstick comment; and even if he did, how can McCain et al feel they have any room to talk?)

======

ego: i would not give my life to rescue people who *know* they should not have been hanging around town in spite of hurricane ike - they should have known better

------

celebrating the drop in price of Oil/Gas too soon, were we?

------

there needs to be penalties imposed upon the surviving citizens who *willfully* disregarded Evacuation Orders

======

she spies!

i miss that show

======

i have been compelled to invoke the term "asshole" at least 56-times a day, these past several years; people {also attempt to} insult my intelligence also at least as many times

======

flaky-layered buttermilk biscuits; dill_pickle-flavoured chips

======

to give Thoughts and Prayers/meaningless *and* empty sentimentality

======

deathly afraid of me losing my Spelling Abilities; other people's lexiconical inadequacies being a bad influence

======

Mental Illness vs. Mental Deficiency

======

actually, white people don't really like other white people either; who can they tolerate?

yo te explíque, 2.

heh.

Jonathan Rogers.

a former student of the baltimore polytechnic institute.

he was supposed to graduate with me, back in the year 2000..
..but i don't think he did.

i think he got himself expelled for bringing a knife to school (and actually getting caught with the muther↕fucker).

well, anyway: that is the guy who haunts my dreams — who was one of two of the black males i've had Primary Crushes on.

it is he who.. ..perplexes me.

------

i don't know what's happened with him since late 1999.

if any of you know, please give me a holler.

i am curious about him.

is he still attractive?

did he manage to keep himself with a good crowd?

or, as i fear, had he already succumbed to The Street Life?

======

actually, i don't have a problem with the concept of church; it's just, that element of Orthodox Religion is what i believe does not belong with it.

as i've said before: we need each other — there is no getting around that.

merely, all churches should serve as a religion-neutral meeting place for guiding people into the general right path; otherwise, it can serve as a respite for those trying to stay out of trouble.

...

and, no, we don't need Reverend soliciting donations from anyone, either: how dare he build his fortune from off the backs of the already poor?

what about the Vow of Poverty, and Humbleness?

(as long as God is with him, whatever meager accommodations he has should be more than plenty: hot, clean, running water; a Bed; a Private Room; Food, etc.: these are all that is needed for a comfortable life.)

======

i used to pride myself on being a loner; i was profoundly misguided in my personal assessment, of course: i am not a loner.

i fancied that i was, because i wanted to be "cool".

(but, i need people.)

such being one of {the} many pratfalls of {my} youth.

it's not so much that i don't like being around people as it is, i know that there really are few people that i can find even a minimum of compatibility with.

(this is because of my own unique personality Traits and Quirks.)

i am probably too lazy to be able to fake my way into relationships..

..i really am probably not a good liar.

i am smart enough to know all of this, but not smart enough to know how i might surpass these hindrances.

how do i overcome the overwhelming stupidity of my fellow man?

☺.

how do i overcome our having advanced ourselves so profoundly.. ..and so prematurely..
..and incompletely?

======

the poor atheists.

i believe they reject the concept of there being (or having been) an entity who, for all intents and purposes, would be known as God.

these atheists are headed in the right direction, but, they also are misguided: for, there are too many statistical similarities shared just between all the living organisms, alone, for me to be able to think that it was executed by Happen↕Stance.

──────>

what does the exhaust from expended energy feel like? it is {almost} always hot, right?

whether it's a human being sweating, or a computer venting..
______

when almost anything bleeds, for starters, some form of Life & Nourishment-carrying Fluid is escaping; after that shared characteristic, this fluid will be coloured red.
______

almost every complexly-built living thing has a central nervous system: that which, if functioning properly, will certainly allow for them to feel fear, and pain, when stimulated under the proper conditions.
<──────

i suppose you have taken for granted, the fact that things could be very different, if all had been left to chance, from the beginning.


there are so many variables.. ..this world could easily have undertaken an alternate path, long ago, if some Intervening Force hadn't taken control, and made the appropriate allocations & adjustments.


if it were to have been decided some people exhale grass, and some others exhale wood chips: if "normal" would be [the penultimate species] having been a combination of what would have been a lion, an ant, a peony, and concrete, with 7 functioning eyes growing out of the genitals, then it might have been so.

for that matter: "eyes" might not even had been necessary; we could have been granted extra senses besides Smell, Touch, Audial, Taste, and Sight..

..or no standard-living organism might have been granted any.

basically, i am trying to paint for you a picture of how abstract this the occupants of this planet could have turned out.

concepts and notions we had taken for granted, no longer relevant.

------

so, Atheists..
..you may continue to reject man's conceptualization of God; but, i do not think it would be responsible of you to entirely reject the possibility for there having, at the very least, been, (as i like to deem the entity), a Master Creator.

that which, obviously, would be the master↕mind of Intelligent Creation.

...

so, one or both of the schools of thought is wrong, then: either we humans evolved from Apes or God crafted us, personally..
..or it's neither.

i am still inclined to go with the amalgamation of the two theories..
..but i am finding it rather hard to believe my ancestor was once that which is prone to randomly-flinging its fæces.

and, was it ever accounted for, the reason that those Primates, and their ilk, themselves, still exist?

(i do not believe many predecessors were able to the survive Progression of Time and retain their original form..)

..would God, personally, have intervened in such a way that, eventually, Humans would be the result of the procreations of those animals?

(an all-seeing/all-knowing God must, necessarily, also be deemed a "rather sick fucker" to allow us to have taken the path we have..

..there simply is no good reason to allow all of us to suffer through such pain as we do.)

will you mother↕fuckers...

...stop thinking with your dicks and be decent enough at least leave a damn vote in one of my fucking Polls before you go zipping off?!

i don't know what this "Philip" character has been doing these past few months to get himself as noticed as he apparently has been..
..but i am feeling much more used than i can be comfortable with, in your pursuit of gaining more information on him: information which currently seems very scarce.

next subject!

chicken/crickets/exotic cuisine

======

found-dime

======

angelina jolie/æon flux

======

tv revenue/poor people/commercials/rethinking implementation of HDTV

======

broccoli flowers

======

lottery/poor people tax/never see people in [urban areas] win publishers clearing house

======

sex_offender-glasses

======

power vested in one person/change resultant not possible unless in dictatorship

======

anti-societal vs. anti-social

======

sarah palin/tina fey; sarah palin x obama

the original Art of Fighting.

Herpetitis:

this is a disease which you do not want.

this is a disease which you might assume certain prominent representatives of the "rock-and-roll"/"Heavy Metal" genre carry, by default: that if they don't have It, then they would otherwise be ostracized by their peers.

------

*ahem*

~↕↕~

i suppose there has to be A Balance, huh?

i mean..
..it is very okay to feel Sexual Attraction for peoples not of your own ethnicity (or.. ..race.....)...
...but, in order to continue being able to experience such feelings, and enjoy such a variety of Flesh, then, perhaps, it would be in our best interests to ..... not mingle too freely.

(obviously, gays can keep on Fucking & Sucking whoever they like.

♥.)

what bothers me is, it appears to be a very fine, blurry line between "having a mere interest in {the} preserving {of what} Ethnic Purity {there is which is left}" and Xenophobism.


i'm not sure, exactly, what this world might look like, Today, if [procreation] had not inhibited by:

• the thoughts of "what might people think?"

• lack of Resources and Opportunity

• Oppression.

_\↕/_ _\↕/_

for the record, i want to remind you guys that white people are no more native to {what eventually became known as <the "United" States of>} America than the black people they eventually brought over with them, way back in 1620; so, the title "african-american" is not applicable to the black people who

• have roots in this country established from the beginning of The Black Betrayal/Enslavement, up to 1933

or

• have at least 4^th-degree grandparents established here.

(certainly, any accents or dialects or other overt-Continental African Features & Characteristics may not be present.)

the blacks who do not fall under that category may be deemed "african-american," since they were actual africans who have since made their home in [america], or are descendants thereöf; those, born of Them, here, after four- or five-degrees of nascentivity can probably lose that title, and become known as just a "regular black person".

------

the same dogma might be applied to whites, of course: nothing is so special about them where they can't be deemed "european-american" if blacks, and all the others who, basically, have been here are compelled to get -american affixed to their ethnicity/country-of-origin.

...

(you see how complicated this can easily become.)

but you're able to understand what i'm getting at, yes?

======

heh.

another meaningless thing: trying to solicit donations in neighbourhoods from people who obviously don't have monies to give.


this is an unnecessary, self-esteem_destroying burden: for both the person who's trying to procure the capital, and for the people who ... believe, somehow, they might, "one day," "be blessed to make it out of [the shit↕hole]" they're in if ... they just "sacrifice," but aren't really in a good position to do so.


why do they still compel Inner City Students to participate in fund↕raisers, for example? how many of these [mothers] on whose doors they knock barely have a dollar to give?
how safe is it for these children to even go traipsing around in their respective neighbourhoods in the first place?


fuck that shit: go send the grown↕ups to Where The Money Is: i know for a fact they will have more than enough to spare..
..unnecessary-Extravagance being {an extension of} one of the other Deadly Sins, if i remember It, correctly.

------

it really is meaningless: if you have a house↕hold of 4, and y'all combined Annual Earnings don't total more than $43,772, then save your money for yourselves.

your Charitable Cause is ensuring you-all don't be going nights, needlessly hungry..
..ensuring you have clothes that aren't all fucking tattered, and what↕not:

it's also been said Charity, merely, starts at home.

yes?

(for, if you're going to work all hungry, and shit, then you won't have the energy to be as productive as is possible — and no boss will want to promote someone who appears to be a Slack Ass.

{no matter the extenuating circumstances which, by the very nature of this society, are almost always Out Of Your Hands.}

so... ...you won't be able to begin earning enough money so that you might, eventually, start bestowing it to.. ..the Less Fortunate.)

======

unfortunately, i'm only in a position to raise more questions, and point out [what i perceive are Problems], than provide actual answers:

many of you would like to protest otherwise, but, yeah, it's true: inequality is innate, with humans.

and it all starts with the abilities, propensities, and affinities we naturally evince^(♫), without any especial coaxing.

(you can't make us sprout wings and take flight, can you?

and no matter how hard you try, that ain't never happenin'; however, it might be much harder to determine who can be the next top Space Engineer, or the next pioneer of Nutritional Science.)

(many of you would also like denying this, but, yeah: it seems almost natural that we place value on humans based on the potential use {and realized output} they might have for us — in other words, most of us are innately Utilitarianistic by nature.

there is nothing wrong with that: we need each other.

period.)

prestige will be awarded to the individuals who are able to stake the most impact on others, short- and long-term, consistently — after that, will be the individuals who toil in the background, to ensure that the major players are able to do their thing, without hiccup; i suppose, then, they have a sort of symbiotic relationship going, huh?


only, for some reason, these Players seem to consistently forget the other people who, by necessity, butters their bread...
...which is why the whole Capitalist System is fatally-flawed: the basic tenets of communism might well be what's right for Humanity...
...except, of course, for one problem: Humans.

------

people, too egotistical to acknowledge when they, or other Persons of Interest, have their own Mental Malfunctions and Psychoses...


...people, not able, always, to auto-diagnose as such:

i probably should have been adorned with prescription glasses from the start; but i did not acquire a pair until half-way into my fresh↕man-fucking-year of high school.

how much of an impact had that circumstance had on my development?

======

there's really too much garbage in this world.

as in actual junk: i think of Bangledesh, certain areas of Mexico, and all other standard-Third World Nations, principally^(♫).

------

i hadn't been in support of tax-funded expeditions into Space, before..
..but, now, for this, i certainly wouldn't mind shelling out a coupla hundred dollars a year, to discover a viable place to dump all that shit.


unused planet?
star?
constellation?
black hole?


ship it somewhere: we certainly can't incinerate all our debris, indefinitely; Mother Nature had, long ago, already told us what she thinks about that idea.

---

(♫) (a 6.85-hit Slaughtering Rhyme-combo: +109,888 Kudos-bonus points; +6 Style Points)
(♫) ("Third World Nation".

what a lovely euphemism for "fucked-up rinky-dink country," right?)