Friday, November 30, 2012

(a.k.a. Nakama.)

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i just decided i want this blog to be a bit wider, like it used to be.

so as of 2:17 this morning, that's how i want it — 1250 px.

..that guy (who i call "Justeas") who i complained about not having given me any for a few weeks?

precisely the next day, as if he read my mind, justeas took initiative and ... gave me some.

(´funny how That works.

but that's irrelevant: my heart's been a little too broken.. love a little too rejected, for me to really want to continue investing my emotions in the fucker.

it truly is the saddest story even told...
...for a while, justeas was my Panda Bear, and i was his Tiger Cub.. we barely even address each other by name.

:: sigh ::

so are you guys excited about 12/21/2012??

i, myself, think nothing shall happen; no apocalypses, no end of the worlds.

although, maybe, we should eventually go and have ourselves a few revolutions, anyway.

just for kicks.

one thing is certain: sooner or later, i'm going to need to do something about my RAM Issue: i'm looking at 85% utilization / 5.05 out of 6 GB..
..but i can't figure out where this is all coming from.

i wish Task Manager was just a smidgeon more helpful.....

.....i guess i have been "blogging."
in an indirect sense.
with my facebook account.

getting all political there, and shit.

the good thing about it is, i haven't even expressed 1/32 of what i really feel, on there.
i have all kinds of shit i wanna say.

´stuff related to Life As a Gay Man, especially.

you know i just impressed the fuck out of myself by being able to remember how to change the font in that last sentence using HTML just now?
it's been so long.. ..i'm gonna need to do so hell´a refreshing at this point, to get back to where i was, from years ago.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

"The Arrogant Sesquipedalian. (??)"

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Michinoku Shiiku Blues.

this is a song you-all should give a listen to, some time.

right now i'm clicking the "replay" button over-and-over on youtube.

also, Pavel Patel is a bloake who.. an interesting enigma.

i don't know what to think of him, other than "i want to suck his cock, when he is in masculine mode."

this has been an irregular year for me, all in all.
the guy i used to love..
..i think i can't even be try to be friends with him now.

he doesn't seem to care, one way or another, what i do...
...i guess i need to reciprocate that sentiment.

hanging out with him has been lame: these past 5 - 6 weeks we haven't even had sex.
because he's "going through stuff."


yet he will sometimes log on those sex sites for a bit.

and he told me that he's fucked a couple of guys, himself, a month and some change ago: but, in order for him to have done that, under his current "condition," he's had to dope himself up1.

(i'm not too sure, Guy, i'd be so open to admit such a thing to me.
not unless you really do wish for me to, eventually, slap the taste from out of your mouth.
to get you to see just how much emotion i've felt for you.)

You know I am nowhere near having any of my journals transcribed to electronic formatte..
..´not sure when i'll be able to start in on that, either: seeing as, fucking, i haven't met a strong enough lap|top (within Budget) that can handle the burden i am capable of placing on a machine.


maybe i'll never go through with it.
or, maybe...
...i'll just go and scan the sum|bitches.
with a high-quality scanner.

(i think i'd rather transcribe pages from my computer, instead of having to hunker down and have all that bulky shit right in front of me.)

i feel old at 30.
and dumb.
and unfocused.

which is fair.

anyway, i just wanted to do my once-a-year check-in..
..maybe i'll manage to throw in one more entry before 12/21?

i might even remove that "firefox advisory" i've had up for about 4 - 5 years now?

[1] (he's a "bottom/versatile" fellow, if that helps explains things for you.)


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