i have done some deliberating.

these are the results of my ponderings:

1.) instead of transcribing all of my journals, i'm going to simply scan them (in the best resolution available)

2.) initially, i'll go the route of e-publishing; maybe i can self-publish after all (and use pay-pal to help me sell my wares)

~||~

i am scared about what i have been feeling (or, should i amend, not feeling?) in my heart — has justeas really crippled my capability to show-and-share my love with another person who wants it, that badly?



i don't like this ... emptiness that appears to be growing larger inside of me.

i don't like feeling this vulnerable.
i don't like ... feeling as if i am not in control of my own mind.


i don't like the feeling of finally having no one left in my life, for whom i had felt any sort of strong emotional bond with.
(even though, obviously, my own Love seems mostly wasted on justeas.)

~||~

other than that...it's all the same-old\same-old, over here.

´feeling like a sad sack in general — ´still not knowing what i should do with myself.
´still mad that i am being held to account for something that, for all intents and purposes, i cannot care any less, than i already do, about — Money.

~||~

at some point, i want to raise awareness that there is, quite, a difference between multiple-personality disorder and schizophrenia.


because i wanna label the weather we've had this week as suffering from MPD.


snow and sun and rain, cold and warm and chilly.


3 seasons in such a short amount of time.

~||~

i hate feeling like i'm a fuck-up ..... especially when i have all these people around me who apparently don't believe this is the case.

i hate feeling like i might just be letting a lot of people down, because (for whatever reason) i just can't live up to this "potential" that some attribute to me, but i have yet to grasp.

i hate not knowing what's wrong with me.