i mean, i'm still not Dead. but. . . . .

. . . . .all these years later and, for the life of me, i cannot puzzle out how to get my fucking blogue's formatting on point


maybe i should just re-format it all to get the shit done-and-over, if things're gonna persist in this way



this way that i cannot endorse nor co-sign

i'm not dead.

...but does anyone even still fuck with Blog•Spot?

should i move on to another forum?

i dunno.


however..
..do not get it twisted:
i still have much to say.

´like you wouldn't fuckin' believe, do i have shit to say.


as a gay black man in Urban America.

😈


if ever i find there is some form of interest . . . . . i'll resume my postings hither.




i pwomiss.

i have done some deliberating.

these are the results of my ponderings:

1.) instead of transcribing all of my journals, i'm going to simply scan them (in the best resolution available)

2.) initially, i'll go the route of e-publishing; maybe i can self-publish after all (and use pay-pal to help me sell my wares)

~||~

i am scared about what i have been feeling (or, should i amend, not feeling?) in my heart — has justeas really crippled my capability to show-and-share my love with another person who wants it, that badly?



i don't like this ... emptiness that appears to be growing larger inside of me.

i don't like feeling this vulnerable.
i don't like ... feeling as if i am not in control of my own mind.


i don't like the feeling of finally having no one left in my life, for whom i had felt any sort of strong emotional bond with.
(even though, obviously, my own Love seems mostly wasted on justeas.)

~||~

other than that...it's all the same-old\same-old, over here.

´feeling like a sad sack in general — ´still not knowing what i should do with myself.
´still mad that i am being held to account for something that, for all intents and purposes, i cannot care any less, than i already do, about — Money.

~||~

at some point, i want to raise awareness that there is, quite, a difference between multiple-personality disorder and schizophrenia.


because i wanna label the weather we've had this week as suffering from MPD.


snow and sun and rain, cold and warm and chilly.


3 seasons in such a short amount of time.

~||~

i hate feeling like i'm a fuck-up ..... especially when i have all these people around me who apparently don't believe this is the case.

i hate feeling like i might just be letting a lot of people down, because (for whatever reason) i just can't live up to this "potential" that some attribute to me, but i have yet to grasp.

i hate not knowing what's wrong with me.

i haven't made a post. . . . .

. . . . .making fun of all those people who were so dang-convinced the End of The World was coming a few days before christ's mass, have i?


my apologies, thus, for my tardiness.



but, yeah: you stupid mother|fuckers.

why would you think that would happen?



and why would some of you have thought you were in a position to "save yourselves" from the Impending Doom?

~||~

anyway.


i can't wait for Those In Power to get what's coming to them.
i hate this oppression.


i hate this Fear.


i just want to live a peaceful, enjoyable life — not having to work my fingers to the bone, just for a meager existence.



surely That cannot be too much to ask for.


da?

see, this is what i think:

i think there should be a new classification of sexuality created: "4pay."

them mother|fuckers that will go lickin' or stickin' another mutha|fucka of the "wrong gender" if the price is right..
..and only when The Price Is Right.

:-D.


which is fine.

those individuals are an obvious sub-set of "bi-sexual," but a love of money compels them to do some 'off-the-record' shit.




actually, a love of (or affinity for) money compels many to go against their "official" nature.

huh?