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Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The Opinions of Rex. (e.2)

:-).

ya know ... i find it kinda ironic, how many people out there seem to like thinking of me as being a person [who is more inclined towards being a perpetrator of evil than good]; in actuality, it seems, in one form or another, as if i get to be The Victim more than i get to be the Victimizer; for a further-extension of The Irony, it is because of This that i conduct myself in the manner that i, for quite some time, have been.

although i cannot say that i've had it really rough,──not even for someone of my as-of-yet Underspecified Demographic,──well, Jesus Christ, i do get subjected to a some↕what_semi-regular stream of Minor- to Moderate-level Annoyances, more times than i can be comfortable with over the course of Any Given Week; additionally, i genuinely-believe that if you yourselves had walked that Black Mile in My Shoes.. ..a good number of Yinz, in quite the short order, would find yourselves unable to muster the strength to be half as charitable as i, over the course of my life↕time, had somehow managed to be, to people. (although, yeah, i am getting really tired of being ran-over by people who think They can continue to chump me, with no immediate repercussions forthcoming.)




´just as a gay-american citizen [who is not willing to be an even-bigger bitch vis-à-vis going against his True Nature, wanting to feign Heterosexuality so badly that he'd marry some Chick], i can easily-find reason enough not to be happy, on an average day.



/digress



ya know ... i find it kinda ironic, how many people out there seem to prefer fancying Me as the bloake that lives to be a bad guy ─ a preconception which plays quite contrarily to Reality.



in referring specifically to those people who come across my Personal ADs, on-line: i'm sure that [these simple-minded fucks who are quick to judge] who look at the pictures i use There pro'ly say dumb-assèd_shit to themselves such as "he seems like an individual who's liable to commit some sort of Violent Crime against someone, just because the wind blew from SW, at 5-m.p.h., instead of NE, 9-m.p.h.", or, "he seems like he's never nice to anyone, and that he feels it'd be an actual detriment to his health if he were to be"; people who are actually around me, en personum, probably are not likey to concur with Those Sentiments, however: i strive to be at least a somewhat-decent Human Being ... and when i'm around people who I [have no beef with], i am normally Quiet, if not a goof↕ball, anyway; if the person needs me to be Serious for them, then i will be That.



:-).



if i'm around people i don't like ... i will almost always be taciturn. That is my preferred-Default Disposition, during such a situation. i can utilize one mean Cold Shoulder, or/and cop a "i really don't want to say anything to you about it but being in your presence just makes me fuckin' sick"-´tude, too, if i feel i must. overall, though, i don't like confrontations. i haven't even been in a real fight, to date; the last "scrap" i had was way back in like the 6th-fuckin'-grade.




for the most part, i haven't gotten m'self into shit i had nair business being in ─ especially-more-so as my Self↕Awareness increased with my years of life on this Shit Hole; in looking back, i could have done a lot of things differently, starting back when i was but a Wee Babe.. ..although, even with those Mis↕Steps i had made, i still would never have been considered an actual Problem Child. (´not even a Criminal Record, yet, for crying out loud.)




by no means, am i trying to paint myself as being a Model Citizen ... but, i know for a fact, there are many others, extant, who are worse than I; so, i guess what my gripe is.. ..is i am saddled with a unique set of Burdens, and i just don't know for what purpose Those are serving me.

have i been bestowed Them in-order-so i can be made Stronger, emotionally/psychologically?

i dunno.. ..i mean, apparently i am having a big enough problem with The Preconceived Notions people seem to have of me, that i feel i need to defend m'self against them and explain m'self to them; it's affecting me to such an extent that, whereby i should be asleep right now, so as i can be rested-up for Work ... i have elected to write away about This, instead.


_\↕/_ _\↕/_


and, now, i am remembering the other part of the reason i am writing this:



for the ignorant fucks who look at me and then prejudgate against me.......

.......´those of you who conscientiously-pass me over for some other w'indiwidual who comes in a prettier-looking package, feigning Innocence: i do enjoy It, thoroughly, when said pretty-people turn around and do those exact things you were afraid i was gonna wreak on you; and, as is de riguer for that exact sort of Scenario, when They do/do it, they do It at least 30-times greater than i would ever conceived of executing.



case-in-point: frankly, you can leave me in your house all day long, and the only thing that would be missing is the food that i took to feed m'self ... since, y'know, it wouldn't be cool to allow me to get Hungry up in that muther↕fucker.


you can leave a pile of money sitting right on your counter-top and tell me that you will be going away for a few hours..


..and when you come back, not only will I still be there, but that pile of Loot would still be right where you left It, undisturbed ─ more than anything, i'd be too afraid to go anywhere near It, irregarding how tempting It looks.. ..for that precise fear You'd accuse me of having made an attempt to pocket some of It.


(i have been stolen from more than vice-the-versa.

and, yeah, i have lost a lot more than i, personally, had ever purloined.)


you can even allow me to handle Sensitive Information of yours──including social security, credit card, and bank account numbers──without having to worry about any anomalies going down with your Financial Shit, later: simply put, i have no interest in [screwing over] someone who doesn't deserve That; i pride myself on my overall-level of Integrity.




but ... how often do i have to be fearful about the security & fidelity of my own shit, if i deign trust That in the hands of other strangers ─ huh?

(´be needin' Eyes in th` back of m` fuckin' head, foolin' with them fuckers.)




yet ... when you hurt me like you do, and go for that person whom you believe is a better-seeming risk than I...

...without fail, you wind-up introducing into your lives the true Nut Cases.. ..They who engender Personal Qualities that are a lot-less endearing than my own [petty little quirks], almost every time. (i freely admit that i'm not a totally-pure person: i can't be, because i am a true fan of Comeuppance ... and, well, when provoked, i can be quite vindictive ..... but, it is rare when I, myself, take up my own avenging; rather, i'd look at the befalling of your own set of Unfortunate Circumstances as being the delivery of a somewhat-adequate measure of Retributive Justice.. ..although, yeah, i do be wishing you could know that, through the force of Karma, these bad things happened to you specifically because of your Malice`n´Spite ─ empowered with such knowledge, i'd presume you'd be less likely to try to put a damper on my day, in the future.) it is kinda sad, though. how things work out, like That. it's like they never learn... ...summarily dismissing me for someone whom they think will be a better-investment of time for them. just to wind up doubly-screwing themselves over.


(l.o.l.)


i mean, when Circumstances are proper, i tend to be much more of an asset than a liability .. but many people will never get to know That. which is fine by me, because i really don't feel like dealing with other people's shit anyway; i have enough of my own to try managing, i reck'n.



like, for example.. ..i have to go to sleep, with the following thought nagging me: i've said all this stuff to You, but, i still didn't have the ability to articulate what i really wanted to say about This.



i think.
.

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